I hurt so many people what can I do?

I really need help... Im 22 years old and for so many years I portrayed this image that I loved men. In reality I loved woman I always talked to females it may have been ual or not... It was so secret though. Then I meant this terrific man and he just fell for me. I was so rude to him I never trusted him due to my insecurities of my father being an addict and getting d by 2 men at 16. However I gave this man a chance I fell in love with him and everything was ok. I got pregnant and I have a 3 year old son hes my world. My insecurities got to him and he left me last march. He still cared he still lived with me and then in august he left. I was so devastate I gave this man my all plus more. However, I got over it. I did some intense counseling I was ok things were looking up. Then I meant this female she was so open with her uality I loved it. I fell for her. When my sons father found out he flipped and said he was waiting the whole time for me to get better. I couldn't tell when I was being cussed out on a regular basis by this man. I didn't care though I fell deeply in love with this female. Then my sons father wanted to make our "family" work. I felt so powerless I would do anything for my son even if it meant being miserable with a man. So I tried to play this double life and im not a good liar, I just cant lie to people. So the female found out shes long gone. However, he stuck around... I kept lying and talking to other females. He eventually caught on, I ripped his heart out of his chest. He cried so many times I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. I love him but im not in love with him. Well he got so mad at me because I told him there never would be an us. So, in spite he told my mother and father. I just came clean my mother called me a disgrace and said I make her sick. Im so lost because now im depressed. Every dog has its day I never meant to hurt anyone.... Im very sorry but what can I do??? Im so hurt right now I feel like I have no one....